God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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