over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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