NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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