we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize