Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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