her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
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SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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