Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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