good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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