Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize