Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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