I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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