I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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