btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize