i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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