I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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