Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am available for nakedness
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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