the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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