There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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