I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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