Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize