Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize