dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize