It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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