i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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