Already got asked if we're dating
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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