She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize