I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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