I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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