It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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