i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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