So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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