we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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