Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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