Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize