You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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