Your mouth is God's brothel.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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