i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you didnt know i had herpes?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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