he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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