he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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