I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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