somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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