I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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