please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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