I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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