I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
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