I just cut my nipple shaving
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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