It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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