Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize