OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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