Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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